LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN

Okay, so that last post wasn't received as intended. Things aren't bad; they're actually good. However, this isn't a travel blog, and I'm not going to shoot sunshine up your asses all the time. Like everywhere, there's good and bad here in Guatemala, and last week was not my best week. This one is better.

First, Adventures with Steve. So, we had a consultation with a dog whisperer here in town. If you've been playing along, Steve has a barking issue when I'm gone, and he remains terrified of everything. So, we're trying to get him not to be that way. She confirmed what I guess everyone who has met Steve already knew: he was definitely abused pretty badly before I got him. The weird thing is his reaction when anyone or anything foreign is introduced into his environment, whether it's a person, a box, whatever, he becomes an entirely different dog. Naturally, when the whisperer was here, he was afraid of me, leading her to tell me that he has all the signs of my beating him. So that went over well. But, I get it. He's just an odd dog, but a great one when it's just us but I can't be here all the time and I refuse to be held captive in my own house because I can't leave my dog alone. So, we're trying a few things. Will report back.

That said, he's getting better at being in town, as you can see here.

He's found The Snug to be his go-to spot, and especially likes the peanuts on the bar.

Speaking of peanuts....Let's talk about food.

I grew up in Alabama, and while my parents were middle class by anyone's definition, my grandparents grew up dirt poor. So, my mom's cooking was influenced by her mother's, so I grew up eating alot of "poor people's food." If you're from rural Alabama, you know what I'm talking about. If not, it's stuff you can grow in the garden or that's really cheap to make. Which brings me to Guatemala. It's the same situation here: folks are poor for the most part and tend to do the same. The weird thing is that there's not much overlap in the way it's cooked. Here's my example of what I made today. Pastalaya with fresh veggies and some fried green tomatoes.

Probably cost me $5 and I will have pastalaya for days. Folks in Guatemala would never make that though. They would use the same $5 and grill fresh pork with black beans and rice. Both are good, but it's interesting to me how culture influences food for similar socioeconomic groups.

A friend shaved her head for money two nights ago. So my friend Grace, who has a magical voice--you should really hear her, up and got drunk and shaved her head at the bar the other night. But there's a reason. Other friends are in a challenge to raise money for Las Ninas de Guatemala, a charity that benefits Guatemalan children. Grace promised to shave her head if folks in the bar raised Q3000 -about $400 USD. Well, 10 minutes later, the hat will brimming with Quetzales and the hair came off. Anyway, Grace had to play the next night and rocked the house in a red wig. She added Dionne Warwick's "I Say a Little Prayer" to her repertoire and I really wished I had a pair of lobster claws to wave in appreciation. If you get that reference, you're good people. A quick note about going out in Antigua. So many different languages and accents in the same place, but somehow it works. Austrian dudes, Australian girls, and the Dutch. So many Dutch. Dutch everywhere.

Today was interesting. Or at least I thought it was. I made my usual Sunday trip to Caoba Farms, where the people didn't understand why I was buying the green tomatoes instead of the ripe red ones. See above. Anyway, I had an interesting chat with a girl who is in town with Habitat for Humanity. First, I didn't know there was Habitat in Guatemala, but there is, so that's something I want to look into. Anyway, we were talking about how Guatemalans don't really value their own products. Everything local is ridiculously cheap here, but anything imported is insanely expensive. There's a store that basically brings in the U.S. Goodwill rejects and sells them at an absurd price because they're American products, and because they're American, people will buy them no matter how bad the quality. Meanwhile, the Guatemalan stuff is of great quality but nobody wants it because if it's Guatemalan, it must suck. I argued that Americans do the same in some respects. We buy Japanese televisions and cars because we assume the quality is superior. It sort of morphed into a chat about the President and trying to force companies to make things in the U.S. I understand both sides of that argument, and I come down on the side of free trade, but we agreed that if we really want to #MAGA, we need to value and buy stuff made locally, whatever your country may be. Anyway, something to chew on, and it's cool to live in a place where it's not in the least bit strange to talk about political and social issues with a total stranger over a grilled fish sandwich. Something else, today's required reading is La Cuadra Magazine. Hard copy is printed right here in Antigua but you can read it online right there at the link, and it's chock full of libtard prose and a little bit of poetry. Good stuff.

Oh yeah, Dispatch has a new record coming out and ya boy is hype. That has nothing to do with Guatemala, but quite relevant to my life.

Anyway, gang, that's it for now. I still miss Alabama, I still miss you, and I always will

SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

Gang, I'm at a crossroads. I'm also drunk, but that's not really the story here. But first, a musical interlude of some importance.

The story is whether I stay here or not. First, the pros:

I have three business ideas that everyone consulted in town believes would be successful so I can make money here. Really, the opportunity seems endless.

 Steve is incredibly happy, and if you have a dog then you know that making him or her happy is half the battle. Here he is in a tuk tuk...

sort of a three wheeled deal that will take you anywhere around town for Q20 ($2.50). He also enjoys posting up at the bar.

This town, if it was in America...you wouldn't be able to buy a house for less that 800K. I rent with everything, literally everything, included, for $600.

Let's get into the cost of living because you are going to laugh your ass off. Outside of housing, it's hilarious. The bar I just left offers a Brahva beer (not the best, but you won't choke) for Q15. That's less than $2 USD. You can add a shot for Q7. That's less than a dollar. You can absolutely spend American money here if you want to, but you're dumb if you do. So many spots where you can grab lunch for Q20 (less than $3). The Mercado

(market) runs on Monday, Thursday & Saturday, and there you can get literally anything you want for cents on the dollar. 10 apples? $.20, pound of shrimp? buck a pound at the most.

Everyone is very nice. Except, as usual, the only folks I know are from bars. This seems like a familiar refrain. Go to bars thinking I'll meet folks I want to hang out with, and I do, but the hanging out part never happens. There must be a different way to meet people, but I don't know what it is. Also, I enjoy crippling social anxiety so I need the lubricant. Granted, I've only been here 3 months, but my soul is not patient. That turned into a con, but I didn't mean it to be.

So let's move onto the cons, why don't we?

These business ideas? I can't do them by myself. Financially, I can, but I need at least somebody who could help me. It's too much. Sorta reached out to some pals who might know of somebody who'd want to help but I really don't have any takers.

Ya boy ain't getting any younger. I had a series of mishaps lately that got me to thinking. Both of these mishaps could have been much worse. If I'd broken my leg, who do I call? (randos on twitter: "call me!" groovy, how you getting me to the hospital?) Being alone in a foreign land presents issues, is what I am saying.

Neutral issues: I've considered moving. Steve barks when I leave him. Not all the time, but for about 20 minutes and I'm terrified of offending the neighbors and upsetting the landlord. Also, I want to bring my saxophone from home. There's the opportunity to play some here, but I'd need to work on it a bit before that happens. But I can't really do that with neighbors. Granted, they let their kids sit out on the balcony and scream all day, but I try not to be rude. We're having a session with the local dog whisperer Saturday to address his social anxiety, but it's extreme, so I dunno.

I'm taking this Immigration Law class, and it's alot more interesting than I thought it would ever be. As some of you know, I've done alot of criminal defense work but I kind of feel like I've done it all. There's just so many ways that a client can rob somebody. And once you've done multiple Capital cases, you've hit the mountaintop in criminal defense in terms of complex litigation. So if I'm to ever practice law again, I need a change. Immigration removal defense is like criminal defense, but different. You're still fighting for the folks who need it the most though, which is what I like doing. And in the Pendejo Administration, there's immigration law is changing every day. So that's appealing. I've pursued a couple of avenues, but we'll see if it works out. I don't know.

That's where I am today. Tomorrow may be different. Cheers to you and yours.