24 Day Update. It's gonna be okay

Today, I just wanted to come home. I'm not going to, but watching the Iron Bowl on tv made me miss my friends, miss Alabama and miss 14 big screens showing college football.

Then there's the neighbor/Steve issue. I left for 45 minutes. I sat outside the door for 5-10 minutes and listened to him bark until he quit. I returned to a note that he'd been barking all afternoon and to "do something about my dog." So apparently the neighbor is a bit of a drama queen.

But that 45 minute trip was completely worth it. I think I"ve mentioned Caoba Farms in a previous post. It's a restaurant, a farm, vendors set up shop and a little tienda (store), where I picked up some great stuff today...homemade pastas, cheeses and yogurts. Even picked up a chicken pot pie for dinner tonight. It's not the cheapest, but it's by my house and I don't have to navigate Antigua traffic.

It gave me the idea of selling gumbo or red beans and rice, stuff folks don't ordinarily have here, but it turns out okra is hard to find. And I probably couldn't make a profit, but it's something to think about.

Speaking of traffic, I bought a scooter. It's an Italika, which sounds Italian but nope it's Chinese. 125 hp of Chinese engineering between my legs. Completely absurd, but it was cheap and given my luck with vehicles will surely not last long. Anyway,, the walk to town from my apartment was getting tedious so something had to be done. It was no easy task. Well, buying it was. But this week, I have to go get a NIT (kinda like a SSN or tax id) and some other thing from the police station before they can issue me a tag. Then they'll send the tag in a month or so. Guatemala, man. Luckily, my shuttle driver Raul navigated me through the process, so I should be okay.

Residency is applied for. Not as difficult as I imagined. A girl in my Spanish class tried to do it herself. She got there at 10 am, waited all day and was then told they were closing before they got to her. The $700 or so I'm paying Bety Lopez, a tramitador (sort of a lawyer but not really) is worth every penny. Went to migracion, waited 30 minutes, gave the clerk my docs and we were out the door. Now this is supposed to keep me from having to do the 90 day visa run until it is approved, but we'll see about that.

Spanish school. After only 3 days, 3 hours per,  I'm able to understand alot more. My teacher, Lesvia, said in 6 weeks I should be getting around just fine. One thing they don't tell you when you get out of school full-time is that you forget how to learn. You just don't use your brain in that way anymore, and it's definitely a "use it or lose it" thing. After the first day, I was overwhelmed and frustrated because I wasn't retaining anything. But I'm back into a rhythm, re-writing everything down (it's how I learn), and it seems to be coming back to me.

I'd be lying if I said I was totally happy here. There are parts of home that I miss. But I still talk to my good friends almost as often, and that makes all the difference. The holidays aren't my best times either, so I'm sure that has something to do with it as well. But, it's only been 24 days, and I'm already happier here than I was in Orange Beach. The people are nicer, the weather is better and I really think this could be the place for me for awhile.

Hasta luego, I have to conjugate verbs.

TRANSITIONS, DIFFICULTIES AND PLEASANTRIES.

This transition has been, in many ways, harder than I expected, but in others, easier than I expected.

I chose Antigua because, of the Central American towns and cities, it is both cosmopolitan and navigable. By that I mean, it is not a huge town so I figured it would be relatively easy to meet people here...and it has been, thankfully. But also it is very multicultural, so I figured not knowing Spanish at first would not be that big of a deal. I could not have been more wrong. As far as going out at night and such, it is not that big of a deal, but in day-to-day functioning, it is a huge vacuum.

Case in point: I needed to pay my tramitador (a sort of lawyer, who is processing my residency forms), and she gave me her bank account number to deposit the money. So, my plan was to go to the bank with my credit card and have them pay it from the card into the account. I got there and not one person in the bank even spoke pidgin English, so that was a no go. I ended up finding a work around through my online bank, so it all worked out, but that is not the point. Situations will arise that I am not going to be able to navigate due to the language barrier, and that is overwhelming and frustrating. For example: I need to buy a car, I think. My apartment is just far enough from town that walking every day is a little much. But I can't because I don't speak the language not only to buy it, but also to navigate the avalanche of forms that the Guatemalan government requires to buy a car. So I walk, and I walk, and I walk. My feet hurt all the time.

Monday (tomorrow) I am going to check out a recommended Spanish school to remedy that problem, but it won't be an overnight fix, so really I've just got my fingers crossed that nothing goes horribly wrong between now and the six weeks or so that it will take for me to become somewhat functional in the native language.

I don't know what to do about Steve. He is barking when I leave him in the kennel, which is something that he did occasionally in Orange Beach, but not often. The walls here are thin (despite their being made of concrete, which I don't really understand), and my neighbor has complained. So, I went and bought some valium, which I have given him at night when I am not taking him with me. This is obviously not a long-term solution, but I am hoping he will begin to associate his kennel with going to sleep, and the barking will stop. If it doesn't, I don't know what I'm going to do. I take him everywhere with me during the day, and that's fine for now, but I will need to shop for groceries eventually, and I'd rather not have to medicate the pup just so I can go buy food.

This post was not intended to be a bitch session, so let me tell you that the good does outweigh the bad and I would recommend doing this to anyone. Last night, I was at a bar called "The Snug."

At the bar with me were two Dutch guys, some Australians (Aussies are really annoying btw, like even louder Americans), a Norwegian fella who went to high school in Cleveland and Bama Bob from Dothan. The value of travel is not in the places you see or in the pictures that you take. It lies in the people that you meet and the perspectives that you learn. This will sound preachy, and I don't care: dammit Americans, get out of your own country and see the world, and not the places the guide books send you.  I'll never understand the value of going to Seaside, when you can literally go to Latin America or Europe for the same price. Get out of your protective bubble, guys.

If the last week has taught us anything, it's that we are entirely too afraid of people who aren't just like us. Travel is the cure. People are good; they are helpful; and they are kind. Everywhere.


I mentioned that it has been easier than expected in some ways, and it has. Primarily, it has been really easy to meet people. Though it may come as a surprise to those of you who know me, and think I'm an extrovert because I am if I know you, I am painfully shy with strangers. I have no idea what to say, what to talk about, and I can't imagine why anyone would want to talk to me in the first place. I lived in Orange Beach, Alabama for three years and left knowing about four people whom I didn't know before, if that's any indication of how crippling the shyness is. Here, though, people are incredibly welcoming and outgoing. They actually introduce themselves and talk to me, and it keeps happening over and over so I'm assuming it's not a fluke or some elaborate joke. I mean, it's just been introductions and casual talk, nobody's asked me to hang out or anything, but maybe that will come one day.

So, despite the frustrations and the occasional urge to say "fuck this," pack my stuff and move back to my comfort zone, I know that's not in my long-term best interest. It won't happen immediately, but I think maybe I can get my smile back here in Antigua, Guatemala, and that's been missing for a very long time. Cheers!

THE FIRST WEEKEND IN ANTIGUA....I LIKE IT, I REALLY LIKE IT

It's Sunday, and the first weekend in Antigua, Guatemala is drawing to a close. Gotta say, this town is cool. I brought a friend from home, Michelle, to help with the settling in process. I also don't deal with stress well alone,  so I figured a comforting presence would be helpful.

Michelle...a tad overserved

First, traveling with a dog to Guatemala is super easy. The process before hand is exhausting but actually doing it? Piece of cake. The folks a United PetSafe made it super easy from Houston, which is good because the Cubs had won the World Series in 10 innings the night before, so I was somewhat the worse for wear. In Guatemala, you basically get a pet concierge. She led us through the entire process, and we were through customs in 15 minutes and on the road.

Thursday was mostly spent unpacking and getting settled in. Friday found us at Cafe No Se, which is my favorite bar down here, chatting and shooting mescal with the ever hilariously lovely Jacki behind the bar.

Saturday came and we decided to go to breakfast and check out Caoba Farms, which is just a short walk down the street from my house. This place is great, and I'm pretty sure I'll be spending alot of time there. They are open every day, but on Saturdays there is live music all day, food and drink, whatnot. Bluegrass band was playing when we got there, and we decided to grab some breakfast. Actually, I've met the banjo guy before when his band played at NoSe when I was down here last. He'd been to Mobile, and was saying that he never imagined he could make a living playing the banjo in Guatemala, but here he is. So that's cool. Anyway, breakfast was amazing, the "Typical Farm" was black beans, chicken sausage,

sourdough toast, fruits, potatoes, homemade jellies. The cool thing is that your breakfast is literally made right in front of you. In addition to breakfast, there are folks selling their wares like at any farmer's market. There's also a permanent indoor market where you can get organic olive oils, balsamics, fruits and veggies and whatnot. They also make their own yogurt and hummus there. The yogurt is the USD equaivalent of $1.20 for a regular sized cup. and the hummus tub is about $3.00. Suck it, America.

Finally, and most delightfully, lest you think things are different here in Guatemala, right there at Caoba Farms, I enjoyed Breakfast With The Barn, a tradition like no other (Auburn football stuck in the morning game again, for those of you who aren't on Twitter). There is supposedly a shuttle that runs from Caoba to Parque Central every hour on the hour, but someone arrived by tuk tuk, so we grabbed that back to town to do a little shopping.

Up on the main avenue in town, Alameda de la Santa Lucia (it looks alot like Canal St., if you've been to New Orleans, is the Central Market. (which is alot like the
French Market in NOLA, before Katrina and huger, much huger...cheap knockoff stuff, amazing produce, and a good bit of handmade stuff). I picked up some produce, Michelle found some souvenirs for some folks back home and I found the most amazing thing for one of my besties. He and his wife are having a baby, and man I hope it's a boy or a lesbian because just look at this thing. Hand made Infant.Sized. Pancho. GTFO.

So anyway, after some needed rest...*aside* I have flat feet, so walking really isn't a thing that I can physically do as much as I want. Like, I was in corrective shoes as a child. Yes, I was that kid. Those shoes didn't correct shit, by the way. The dogs still bark all the time... we ventured back out to watch the main event: The Crimson Tide and a team that like to talk about beating the Tide, but also a team that Bama has now beaten six times in a row. #RTOTA We posted up at Monoloco, the gringoest of the local bars, but they have about 10 flat screens showing all the games, so it was an easy choice. We'll likely head back there this afternoon to watch the Saints. I met the owner, Billy, a UVA guy...(poor thing), and it turns out he's my neighbor.

So I guess that's it. I'll wait for Michelle to wake up and we're heading to Cafe Condesa for brunch before the game because it's Sunday and that's what white people do on Sunday. WhoDat.

Oh, please remember and never forget that The Chicago Cubs won the World Series in 2016 and the St. Louis Cardinals did not. More later, skaters.

3 Days Out....The Last Post About Expectations

Since the last post accidentally turned into a blues cruise, I thought I'd intentionally pivot and talk about what I'm excited about. I am not excited that I just ended a sentence with a preposition, but I digress.

First, I was fortunate to meet Scott Garrison, who runs both Ceiba and Buena Onda, and he asked me to run the social media programs for both organizations. The companies are the same generally in that they both focus on volunteerism, but with different groups.

Ceiba works with students who want to come to Guatemala and complete a service project, whether it is for the summer, spring break or a semester.

Ceiba sets up projects and provides room and board with the other students with the goal of developing global citizens. Check out the video. The intent here is not to recruit your kids, but if they'd like to check it out, let me know.

Buena Onda, on the other hand, works with adult professionals. For example, Buena Onda just placed a physician at one of the villages on Lake Atitlan to work with people on dietary needs, especially as it relates to diabetes.You can check out his blog here. 

So that's the main thing that I will be doing. I hope to meet some more people and maybe expand into working with other organizations. But this is a good start, I think.  I'm also going to enroll in Spanish classes, because apparently 9th grade Spanish and 3 years of French aren't sufficient to get around in Guatemala. Fortunately, the classes are incredibly cheap. My plan to to do four hours a day for three months and see where I stand. Hopefully, that will be enough to become relatively fluent.

So the last time I was down, I found a place to live. Really, I found Steve a place to live. I would have liked to have been a little closer to town, but it's still only about 8 blocks to the central park in the middle of town and it has great green space for Steve to play. It looks like this. It's really not as big as it looks. Once you walk in, there's a giant courtyard with apartments around it. There's also a rooftop terrace for views of the volcanoes.

Sorry for the awful light, but I rented it late in the day and that's the best I could do. Also, finding a place that allows pets is a pain in the ass. While it's a decent walk into town, it is only a couple of blocks from Caoba Farms, the local farmer's market/eco-restaurant whatnot, which seems like a really cool place to hang out. And cabs will take you anywhere in town for about $2 USD. I still haven't decided whether I'm going to get a car or a scooter or what, but I can't see myself walking everywhere all the time.

Let's see. Activities. Beyond work and school, the next challenge is watching American sports. Thankfully, baseball is in the 21st Century, so I can watch the Cubs on the mlbtv from anywhere in the world.  Internet connections are as good if not better in Guatemala than at my house in Orange Beach. Actually, it's much better, so in theory watching the Tide and the Saints shouldn't be a problem. But the issue is access. Alot of apps don't allow international access, so I may be using pirate sites. Otherwise, there's always Monoloco, a bar that caters to gringo types. They have all the HDTV big screen amenities. But I'd rather not schlep to a bar for every game, so I hope I can find a way to do it from home.

Today is Sunday, and I'm driving to Houston on Wednesday to fly out Thursday morning. So this will be my last post on what I expect, the next one will be coming to you live from Antigua, Guatemala. But expectations are what they are and reality will likely be incredibly different. But either way, I'm looking forward to it.

7 Day Countdown Begins. How Do You Miss Something You've Not Left Yet?

It's Thursday. I'll be on a plane at this time next week, and I'm starting to feel a little nostalgic, even though I'm still here. It's pretty much an emotional whirlwind when you do this. Some days, I'm really excited for the adventure. Other days, it's just exhausting because there's too much to do an never enough time. Still others are sad. There are things that I will miss desperately about this place. Really, it's not days; it's more hours and minutes that all those feelings wash over me. Sometimes all at once.

What will I miss? I'll miss living in Alabama. Yes, everything people say about Alabama is true. There are so many hateful, racist people here, and alot of them don't even know they are doing it. Yes,

Alabama, you are embarrassing most of the time. But that's not the Alabama that I know, the Alabama I wish people saw more of. The smartest, most accepting and funniest people I've ever met live here, and I wish people knew that. Y'all keep doing that and maybe one day your voices will drown out the hatred and the ignorance.

I'll miss football weekends in Tuscaloosa, but probably not the way you think. The game has become almost secondary to me. Football Saturdays have become synonymous with smoked meats, and Lamplighter IPAs at Druid City Brewing for me, and Jacob, Bo, Elliot and all the great people who gather there. If you haven't spent a Saturday there, do it. Tuscaloosa is magical. There are prettier places, sometimes I wish it wasn't so hyper-focused on athletics, but it's a place that shaped my belief

system and I've never met kinder people anywhere.

I'll miss New Orleans. For 40 years, I've never known what it means to miss New Orleans, as the song says, but I'm about to find out. Living so close, I've developed close friendships there, watched the Saints win a Super Bowl there, and had some of my best times as an adult there.

I'll miss my friends. I know I'll still talk to Metz pretty much daily and there are a few other people, you know who you are, who are necessary to my life that I'll talk to frequently. But visits home will be short, and I won't get to see everyone I'd like to see. So, I'm sure some of us will drift apart, and that makes me sad. I do hope that those of you who have said you'll come to Guatemala actually do it. It would mean the world to me.

Well, I didn't mean for this installment to be a downer, but it turned out that way. But with change there's good and there's bad. I still think the good will prevail, and this is going to be a net positive thing for me. I remain excited. The countdown begins.

IT'S A NIGHTMARE....LITERALLY.

For awhile now, I've been having panic attacks about the move. I wake up after having slept about 3 hours and lie there stressed, thinking about what has to be done between now and November 3rd. Because I can't actually go to sleep, I'm finding myself enjoying a few whiskey drinks to help me sleep. Not that I mind that, but drinking that much during the week isn't really my thing anymore. The reality is, there isn't that much to do, but I keep stressing about what can go wrong.

First, is the dog issue.

It's not a difficult process to import a dog. There's no quarantine or anything, but it is a time crunch. I have to get him certified healthy by a USDA vet. It may come as a shock to you, but there isn't a USDA certified vet in Orange Beach. So I have to go to Mobile. Then, Guatemala requires that the certification be....wait for it...certified again by the USDA office in Montgomery and then that certification has to go to the Guatemalan Consulate for yet another, you guessed it, certification. That's all fine and good except USDA vet certification has to happen within 10 days landing in country. So yeah, not sure if that's going to happen or not. Obviously, I'm FedExing, but Guatemalans tend to operate on their own time which has me stressed over whether the Consulate certification will get back to me in time. But, it will all be worth it when Steve and I are in the new apartment hanging out doing doggy and daddy stuff. I know, he's adorable. You don't even have to say it. 

I keep thinking I'm forgetting something. I wake up at night thinking I've forgotten to do something important. 

My condo still hasn't closed, and I am going insane. They have explained to me why, and I understand, but they don't seem to get that I'm leaving the country. I've told them; they know. But they don't seem to get that this can't continue to drag on. It also prohibits me from doing some things I need to do, like arranging transportation in Antigua. My apartment is close to town, so I can walk, but that's not something that's realistic long term. Folks gotta buy groceries and all that. I'd like to go ahead and buy a car or a scooter so it will be waiting on me when I get there, but I can't because this damn condo hasn't closed. 

I keep thinking it's not going to close. I wake up at night in sweats wondering what I'll do if it doesn't. 

There's just so much to do. Things you don't even think about needing to do until you take this on. And I'm doing it alone which makes it all the more difficult. I can physically do it alone, but I don't always trust my decisions so I'd like to have somebody to bounce the every day crap off of. 

I keep thinking I've done the wrong thing. I wake up at night wondering when this entire venture is going to explode in my face. 

I really hope everything goes smoothly. 

SO I DECIDED TO MOVE TO ANTIGUA, GUATEMALA

Folks ask me why. Why Guatemala? Why Antigua? Why anywhere, really? There are alot of answers.

I have wanted to live abroad for awhile...I probably got the bug when I went to France for the first time. I just saw it as a better way of living. People bought their food in open markets and everything seemed fresher. Fast food was not a thing there, and they walked everywhere.  They seemed to enjoy life more, and maybe that was just my impression or the one I wanted to have. But I mean, just look at it.

But it also costs a billion dollars a day to live there and the Schengen agreement keeps it from being a reality unless you're an EU citizen.

Second, I became REALLY super tired of practicing law. The more I did it, the more I knew that it was not something that I could do for the rest of my life. For those of you who don't know me, I have some substantial issues with clinical depression, and going to a job every day that I hated compounded the problems. I tried a few other things, like maybe getting a job in legal marketing, where I could combine my legal experience with my background in advertising and marketing, but after exhaustive applications and interviews, it became clear that it was just never going to work out. Maybe if I had found something else to do that I liked, I would not be leaving, but I didn't so here we are.

Third, my mom passed away a few years ago, and I was fortunate enough to inherit her pension from the Retirement Systems of Alabama, so that allowed me a little bit of financial freedom. It's not alot of money, but in the right place, it could be substantial. Here, it's just a drop in the bucket.

I can't remember how I discovered it, but I did and I wish that I had discovered it sooner, but several countries in Central and South America offer a pensionado program. That is, for folks with a lifetime pension above a certain amount (Guatemala: $1,000USD), you are eligible for residency. Residency provides quite a few benefits...tax free importation of US goods, chief among them. With that in mind, I started checking out countries. First choice: Buenos Aires: too expensive; Expat haven: Cuenca,Ecuador: cool, but also a little over my budget to live in the middle of town. Panama & Costa Rica: they've been discovered. Folks love to go on and on about Costa Rica but they haven't looked into the cost. (If I hear one more, "Costa Rica, bro" from people who haven't done any research..) Nicaragua: okay, the price is right but damn it's hot. And electricity is the highest in the Americas. I'm not down for Alabama Augusts for 12 months of the year and a $400 power bill. So I stumbled onto Guatemala. "Ok, I said to myself, this place is freaking gorgeous."

 But you never know about a place until you actually go there. It's Guatemala, and I'd heard there's crime. But I figured it was worth a shot. So I packed up and went down for a week and I was sold. The pictures don't do it justice. Then the prices. You can spend as much or as little as you want in Antigua. I've had $30 USD dinners and I've had a menu del dia lunch for $3. And then there's the weather. It's 75 degrees in the day and 55 at night....every damn day. As for the aforementioned crime? I wouldn't move to Guatemala City if I were you, but Antigua is probably the safest city in the Americas. There's random muggings of tourists if you're wandering around at night talking on an iphone, sure. But as for real danger to people who have traveled and are aware that you shouldn't be conspicuous about your possessions in a poor country? No problem.

They have a rainy season for six months out of the year, but I purposefully went down during it to see if that's something I could tolerate. It turns out, "rainy" to Guatemala and to someone from Mobile, Alabama mean entirely different things. Their rainy is a gulf coast September. Showers in the afternoon. Whatever.

The place is surrounded by three volcanoes, and there are roof top decks at every house, restaurant and bar. Occasionally, Volcan Fuego will erupt a litttle. It's not some violent thing where lava comes flying at you and there's no escape, but a little bit of lava at night is a beautiful thing.

Finally, the last reason I chose Antigua is the people, both Guatemalan and the expat community. I don't speak much Spanish (though there are one billion Spanish schools in Antigua, so that will change soon), but the people were incredibly warm and friendly. And because an expat community is by its nature transient, the expats were exceedingly nice and made me feel welcome immediately. Living where the people are nice....who knew that was possible?

So that's the "Why Antigua?" post. Since I decided to move, I have found an apartment, a job, and I am doing all the necessary things to move myself and trusted dog Steve on November 3rd. More about all that later. Hasta luego!